How to be a good lover

This blog entry happens to exist because it was one of the days where I have to wait for somebody. In the meantime I had the possibility for a little chat with the maid of the house. So, waiting is most of the time not bad at all. There’s always something new to find out.
So it happens that we talked about men: batswana men, zimbabwean men, men in general. She said that it is highly discussed within Batswana society that Batswana women don’t know how to make love. Well, this is a big accusation and I am not saying that it is like that.
I asked her why it is said like this. She said to me that there’s nothing like a “sex education” that means no elder women who tells teenage girls how to treat their private parts, as she put it.
I heard about that this is happening in Zimbabwe already during my previous fieldwork: elders (uncles, aunts or other relatives) teach young men and women things about sex.
I asked this woman how this looks like. She said that it’s not about showing or explaining how to have sex. First, I didn’t understand what she means but then it got clear. I understood it rather as a bodily training. It looks like this:

The old lady put needles in the soil. One of the girls has to lie down on the ground. The upper back has to be above those needles. The goal is not to touch the needles otherwise it gets painful. So the girl has to push up the back to create space between the back and the needles. Then, the other girls go on top of that girl at the bottom. She has to stand strong and hold the weight of the other girls on top, moving back and forth or around in circles to keep the balance and strength not to be hit by the needles.

This is a tough one, isn’t it? It sounds like excercising.
That’s how a girl is meant to act – or let me say – move in bed.

I don’t know if this is practiced today because this woman is in her early forties. By the time she went through this teaching she was sixteen. So, quite a long time ago. But still exciting, though it’s not about Botswana but Zimbabwe.

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