I had this conversation about relationships with an interview partner. It made me thinking about that acutally every relationship is nothing which just happens like: “Oops, it happened that I fell in love with this guy/girl!” I cannot elaborate that very well, but for now I just want to put that piece of conversation on my blog.
I asked him what the meaning of a relationship is for him personally:
“A relationship is an understanding. I would call it an understanding between two people. An understanding of boundaries, rules, untold rules, of what you can and cannot do. Relationship, yeah, I think it is essentially a bond. A bond that me and you are together and we choose to be together. It is definately a choice. So, yeah, that’s what I think a relationship is..essentially.
Further I asked him what kind of values are important within a relationship:
Look, I can say all these things that would need to exsit in a healthy relationship but it doesn’t mean I practice them. I have a big weakness for like….sometimes I don’t communicate very well because of my chilled, non-challant way of living and that has been a problem within my relationships. But it is honesty…and communication is very vital. I think people always need to have an understanding of where they are in a relationship and yes, maybe actually, you can call me a coward because when you have sex with someone three times that is somewhat a relationship, you need to communicate. So, yeah, going back to that I agree with you. You need to tell someone…yes, honesty and communication. That’s what an relationship needs.
And happiness. You got to make each other happy. And what’s the use of being with someone if you once you been in a relationship it doesn’t make you happy? I’ve seen it so many times. A relationship should enhance you, make you feel good about living and if it doesn’t, then why the hell are you there? Relationship is like a job, actually. I wanna compare it to a job, so many people work. They don’t really enjoy their work. Why are you there? Yes, it pays for your bills. But you go home feeling sad every day. It’s the way of life. Life is a relationship. People go through day to day lifes and they are happy. I would life call a relationship. I would call life a job. I call rleationship a job. Unhappy relationships are jobs because people going to jobs and they are just in there just because, you know…It has to make you happy. You need to smile. And you need to be able to…you need to have…not a plan, but a way of doing things. I would say a relationship have to have a way of functioning like a car uses petrol to move.
So, yes, function. Relationships should have a way that it functions. If it’s not functioning then it doesn’t have a great perspective of moving on. A relationship shouldn’t take to many hits. I think there’s a certain extent of how much of a red zone a relationship can take. If we were in a relationship and you know me for…for…for sleeping with other girls: how much of that can you take? Relationships should have boundaries and that’s why I say a relationship is an understanding of two people that have agreed to be in this bubble of boundaries and, and, and love and interconnection and whether it’s not love or like whatever it is, it should have a way of functioning. It should have a way of working. A Future. A past. Both healthy for it to work. Just a relationship.